Airplane!

Yesterday we went to the private Ithaca airport to pick up friends Dick and Jan, who flew their plane from Boston to come visit. This private jet was NOT Dick and Jan's but it was pretty cool watching them setting up the red carpet, getting the guy's fancy car all ready to drive away (door open, trunk open for golf clubs) and then watching him get off the plane.

Dick helping Theo with the instrument panel.

He even got to put on the headphones!

Beckett did not want to put on the headphones but loved moving the steering wheel and sitting in the big chair.

Then the boys helped Dick and Jan carry their luggage back to the car.

Pumpkin Patch

Saturday we visited Tim's Pumpkin Farm near Otisco Lake. There are some other cool pumpkin farms around that have pumpkin cannons, apple slingshots, and zip lines. I figured we'd go with the one with the petting zoo, tractor rides and grain sand box instead. This was definitely more our speed.

 Inside one of the buildings they had a kind of sandbox full of wheat, with lots of trucks and diggers. Outside the wheat area was a bunch of ride on toys. Heaven for my kids!

Beckett was not interested in riding the tractor, but Theo (and Grandma Kathy, Grandpa Greg, and Daddy) very much enjoyed the ride through the fields.

The boys liked picking out their own pumpkins to bring home. Theo rode a few first, to test them out.

The boys loved feeding the goats with Grandma Kathy and Daddy. While we were feeding them, one kid (as in baby goat) jumped out of the stall and Mama Lovebo had to pick him up and lift him back into the stall.

While Theo was on his tractor ride, Beckett and Great Aunt Renee enjoyed a chocolate chip cookie.

Recent highlights

Last night the boys slept for 12 hours. Theo was up a few times with general moan-y-ness but Beck slept for 12+ hours straight. They sure needed it. This morning they were driving me nuts by 9am but then we went to the grocery store and they charmed everyone, and then we went to story hour at the Onondaga Hill library and they loved the stories and games, and then played at the library until we came home for lunch. Quiet time lasted about an hour and a half and was mostly quiet, though no sleeping, aided somewhat by listening to a Curious George story on CD (thanks Auntie Alexis!).

Some of my favorite new sayings they have:
"I like Mommy/Daddy/Grandma/Grandpa"
"Not right now"
"In a few minutes"
"Oh mercy"
"Oh man"
"Do Beckett (or Theo, whichever is the "other" brother) first!" (when asked to brush teeth, go potty, etc)
"Good morning!"

I was interested to see how they would do with story time at the library, because it's the closest thing to school (surrounded by strange kids and led by a strange adult) that they have ever experienced. Beckett stuck close to me, sitting in my lap for the first few minutes, but Theo was happy to sit in a chair just the right size for him. He also called out the answers more than most of the other kids, loudly and clearly. The lady next to me noted that he seemed to especially like yelling out "yellow" (today's story time theme was colors). Both of them needed no prodding to participate in the games and though there wasn't much opportunity for interaction with other kids during the class, afterward they shared books with other kids and played with the same toy together interactively with a few of the kids closest to their size/age. There are times when I wish that they could be in more of a structured care situation at least some of the time, because I think they would learn new things, but it's just not workable with my work schedule. I am super lucky to have Mindy across the street to work a very flexible schedule for us, and that the boys completely adore her. I just can't commit to a particular schedule on a weekly basis (except every Thursday, for Grandma Joanie and Grandpa Stu) because in the courts where I appear, different things happen only on certain days. So I have to be available some Mondays, because that's when motion term is, and some Tuesdays, because that's when court conferences are, and some Wednesdays because that's when our office staff meetings are. And then some courts schedule judge conferences Friday mornings. I hope that someday we can get them in some kind of nursery school, even if it means they are there when I am not working sometimes, but in the meantime I think we'll try to keep going back to story time at the library as much as we can.

Still trying to figure it out

So the boys haven't napped now since Thursday. They have definitely been sleeping better at night, which is a blessing, but they seem to be missing their naps. Mindy called today at 10am to ask if she could put the boys down for a nap because they seemed exhausted. I really didn't know what to tell her but I expressed concern that they would not go to sleep well tonight. They were practically asleep when we got home from work this afternoon (she didn't even attempt "quiet time" because she thought they would sleep) so we hurried up dinner and had them in bed by 6:30. I came up to check on Theo, who was whimpering, about five minutes later, and Beckett was already asleep. Theo kept whimpering for another five or ten minutes and then fell asleep, by about 7:10.

Not sure what the next step is. Beck fell asleep Sunday afternoon on our walk. When Mindy was with them yesterday she put them down for quiet time and they fell asleep. (Of course they fell asleep when Mindy told them to have quiet time.) But last night after they had napped with Mindy in the afternoon, they ran around and resisted going to bed for a little while. I think they clearly need more sleep, but the question is HOW?!? They have been waking up between 6:30 and 7 in the morning. I wonder if there is a limit on how long they can sleep at night. I also wonder if they could nap only once or twice a week when Mindy is with them (who seems to be the only one who can get them to nap), and still go to sleep at a normal time (7:30)? Will changing the routine depending on who is with them screw with them, or does it simply acknowledge that they do different things with different caregivers? Do we just do a walk every afternoon after lunch, and if Beck wants to sleep, he can? It is really hard not to know what to do and not to know how to figure it out. It's easy to make conclusions based on one particular day, but it's really hard to know what's causing what. Any thoughts from the crowd?

The last twenty-four hours

I thought I should probably write since that last post was pretty bleak. The last twenty-four hours have been significantly better. Yesterday Jeff implemented "quiet time" where the boys stay in their room and can play or read quietly to themselves. They have to stay quiet and if they don't, we said Theo would be removed from the room. Our thinking was that Theo was more likely to be the troublemaker, and Beckett was the one more likely to need a nap, so we'd leave him in the room with his bed and take Theo out. Thankfully that didn't happen yesterday, as they stayed in their room and playroom upstairs quietly reading and playing by themselves for an hour and a half. Yesterday afternoon and dinner after they got up was peaceful and fun for everyone.  When we put them to bed Friday night we told them we would keep the door open but if they cried or made noise, we would close it. They started making noise about 10 minutes later, so we went up and closed the door. They cried and screamed for about 5-10 minutes until they fell asleep. They woke up I think once during the night that first night, but last night they slept great until 6:40 this morning. They've been in great moods so far today. So we're on a good streak. We never know whether what we're doing is making the difference but we're going to try the quiet time again today and see how it goes. It seems like this may fit their needs better at this point. I know I'm a lot less stressed and frustrated, so it's way better if only for that reason. We'll see how this goes!

Continued challenges

I haven't been writing because it's just not that fun to write when things aren't going very well. We've been really struggling these last few weeks on a number of fronts, and I just haven't had the will or the energy to update the blog. But we've made some decisions to change things up in the last day, which we will be trying out this weekend, so I feel enough renewed hope that I can write. Here's what we've been dealing with:

1. Naps. Screw it. I lack the physical, emotional and mental capacity to fight the 1-2 hour fight to get them to go to sleep, while they tear the room apart. Of course when Mindy puts them down they smile sleepily and go to sleep with no further nonsense. She has coached me several times, in person and over the phone, through putting them down, and while I have done it with her hands-on help, I cannot do it without her. I wish I could do it, I admire that Mindy can do it, I recognize that they (especially Beckett) needs the nap, and I really really really need the time to myself. However, continuing to dread every single day and putting them down does not work. I am way too tired and frustrated to succeed, and continuing to try is like banging my head against a wall. Almost literally. I have developed a skull-vibrating headache that feels like a plate in my temple is clanging against another which has affected my hearing in one ear, and I have been so stressed, sad and tired that I can barely function. I can't sleep even though I am bone tired, and I simply can't do it any more.

2. Bedtimes. Bedtimes have been getting progressively worse over the last few weeks. Sometimes the boys carry on for up to two hours after we put them down, crying, getting up, sometimes coming out of their room, whining, etc. Nothing we do seems to help at all. Mostly they seem totally untired. They also get up anywhere from 2-4 times in the night after we have gone to sleep, whining, crying, asking to be re-tucked in, etc.

I began to wonder whether problem no. 1 and problem no. 2 are related, in that they are sleeping too long and too late in the day with their naps that they can't fall asleep at a normal bedtime (8pm). Maybe they need less sleep and not napping will help them sleep earlier and more soundly at night.

So we are going to start doing "quiet time" tomorrow afternoon rather than nap time. They will start out in the same room together but if there is funny business, Theo will be removed. I half-wonder if Beckett will go over to his bed and go to sleep without Theo there riling him up, but he may also be so upset at being alone (his first time ever in his bedroom by himself) that he may just cry and cry. I suspect that what they want to do at that time is to read books quietly to themselves, and it's only my trying to get them to nap in ever more coercive ways that is causing them to misbehave, so I want to remove myself as a cause of their rebellion. We'll try some things out and see how it goes.

I am also hoping that giving up the fight on the naps may make our days more pleasant. The vast majority of our day is filled with laughs and running around and wrestling and cuddling and eating and playing, but this nap business has started to overshadow everything else. We have such a great time cuddling in the morning, enjoying food together, playing outside, and reading together all day that it's a shame to be so out of it that I can't really enjoy all that great time, and to be dreading the nap throughout. I hope that by removing that stress (which we hope will not create other unforeseen stresses) we will be able to have more happy times together.

The boys want to read a LOT these days. It seems like they went a little while not reading much during the day except at naps and bedtime, but for the last week or so they have wanted to be read to a lot, and especially the same books over and over again. The favorites at the moment are Lorax and Biscuit, which are in constant rotation at bedtime and naptime. Other books they love are the nursery rhyme books we have (Hickory Dickory Dock and Hey Diddle Diddle), Slinky Malinky, Wake Up Dad, and Peepo, all gifts from a neighbor here whose daughter has grown out of them. I admit to shortening Lorax by skipping non-key parts, but I know that soon they will be on to my game and make me read every freakin word.

Terrible Twos

I think we have arrived at the Terrible Twos. There is a fair amount of crying, whining, and fighting over toys, and naps since toddler beds have become a major issue. The boys nap great for Mindy but Jeff and I are still struggling very much with naps. I know that it's a natural developmentally appropriate stage but gosh darn! it's hard. They laugh in our faces when we say no, when we put them in their beds, when we use our sternest voices, and when we are at the edge of our limit. I know it's not about us but it is so difficult not to take it personally! Mindy helped me understand that returning the boys to their beds when they got out at naps was only creating a situation in which the naughty boy could put on a show for the other. I think it's why they have been taking turns getting out of their beds; they get to watch the other one get Mama all riled up, which makes both of them laugh, and then have their own turn. Mindy came over Tuesday and did some Supernanny-style coaching with me, which gave me some new techniques and some strengthening of old techniques. When she puts them down for naps, they go down and stay down. We're looking forward to having that kind of result when we do it. One of her techniques is to put the boys in the corner when they misbehave, including not laying down for naps. It is very difficult to put your child in a corner, with his nose in the corner, while he cries. But I have to keep telling myself that changing their behavior is not meant to be easy, and it will not be done unless the consequence for not listening is unpleasant. I do not think that being put in the corner is physically or emotionally harmful, but it is unpleasant for them, and unpleasant for us. But I do think that setting boundaries and learning the importance of listening, both us to them and them to us, will pay dividends in time. They're doing everything they're supposed to be doing, and we have to learn what we have to do to keep them safe by creating boundaries and compassionately but firmly enforcing them. Please wish us luck!

Zoo trip with Grandma Joanie and Grandpa Stu

They didn't get the boys to nap but they had a great time at the zoo. They even met up with old friend Jeff DuBois and his son Penn. Jeff DuBois recognized the boys from facebook and said hi to Grandma Joanie and Grandpa Stu!

Twenty-seven months

The stringing words together into sentences is going amazingly quickly. Their vocabulary has grown way beyond what we can measure. They seem to understand completely what is being said around them, and quickly mimic words and phrases they hear. My favorites right now are when Beckett is asked what he wants to do or eat or whatever, and he looks up for a moment and says "Ummmm...." before saying what he wants. Theo repeats whatever new words are said around him, which can be tricky around oft-cussing Mama. It seems as though the period in which their minds worked faster and better than their verbal skills is over; it seems they can express any thoughts they have with their words. There are times when only Mama can understand what they are saying, and sometimes I don't know why they're talking about what they're talking about, but I understand the words and it seems to satisfy them just to know I have understood what they are saying.

Beckett continues to have more frequent melt-downs where everything seems wrong, and all he can say is "no! no! no!" between screams and crying. While this is happening, Theo usually waits patiently or sometimes offers toys or books to Beckett.

Beckett is doing a little better at going to the potty, usually peeing several times a day in the potty, usually without it being offered to him. Theo doesn't seem that interested right now but we're not pushing it, just letting them use the potty as they want, when they want. Poops in the potty are still elusive but much celebrated when they occur. After breakfast they're usually naked from the waist down so that they can feel when they need to go, and run to the potties themselves.

Naps are still a bit of a headache but what's been happening recently is that Theo plays the game of getting out and getting returned to his bed, while Beckett sits quietly watching all of it from his bed, but then when Theo settles in, rolls over and tries to fall asleep, Beckett begins playing with his trucks and toys, sometimes for more than an hour after Theo has fallen asleep. Then, of course, Beckett is grumpy when Theo wakes him up.

Both are eating well these days, usually up for trying new things (especially when fruit or dessert is waiting). They are just not into eating meat, which has made us eat less meat too.

The boys have great periods of playing together and sharing toys, and periods when each wants exactly and only what the other one has, and there is lots of grabbing, chasing and screaming. Though sometimes those interactions result in laughing and making a game of it. They are pretty used to the "one minute rule," when if they are fighting over a toy, the one who has it gets it for one more minute, and then he has the choice to hand it over to his brother, or have Mama/Dada hand it over. Usually they choose to hand it over themselves.

Theo and Beckett are great shoppers, so long as the cart or stroller keeps moving. They are usually great at the grocery store, BJ's, and the farmers' market. There is lots to look at and people who make faces or talk to them, and usually we get food they like to eat. They're getting better at greeting strangers, saying "hi" or "good morning" when the mood strikes them, though sometimes too quietly for them to hear.

Twin on twin action

Not since the Olympics last summer have we put the boys' highchairs in the den to watch TV while we eat. But the US Open is a great excuse to pull the chairs up to the TV and enjoy some good sports during dinner (and lunch). Especially when the twin Bryan brothers are playing doubles!