Continued challenges

I haven't been writing because it's just not that fun to write when things aren't going very well. We've been really struggling these last few weeks on a number of fronts, and I just haven't had the will or the energy to update the blog. But we've made some decisions to change things up in the last day, which we will be trying out this weekend, so I feel enough renewed hope that I can write. Here's what we've been dealing with:

1. Naps. Screw it. I lack the physical, emotional and mental capacity to fight the 1-2 hour fight to get them to go to sleep, while they tear the room apart. Of course when Mindy puts them down they smile sleepily and go to sleep with no further nonsense. She has coached me several times, in person and over the phone, through putting them down, and while I have done it with her hands-on help, I cannot do it without her. I wish I could do it, I admire that Mindy can do it, I recognize that they (especially Beckett) needs the nap, and I really really really need the time to myself. However, continuing to dread every single day and putting them down does not work. I am way too tired and frustrated to succeed, and continuing to try is like banging my head against a wall. Almost literally. I have developed a skull-vibrating headache that feels like a plate in my temple is clanging against another which has affected my hearing in one ear, and I have been so stressed, sad and tired that I can barely function. I can't sleep even though I am bone tired, and I simply can't do it any more.

2. Bedtimes. Bedtimes have been getting progressively worse over the last few weeks. Sometimes the boys carry on for up to two hours after we put them down, crying, getting up, sometimes coming out of their room, whining, etc. Nothing we do seems to help at all. Mostly they seem totally untired. They also get up anywhere from 2-4 times in the night after we have gone to sleep, whining, crying, asking to be re-tucked in, etc.

I began to wonder whether problem no. 1 and problem no. 2 are related, in that they are sleeping too long and too late in the day with their naps that they can't fall asleep at a normal bedtime (8pm). Maybe they need less sleep and not napping will help them sleep earlier and more soundly at night.

So we are going to start doing "quiet time" tomorrow afternoon rather than nap time. They will start out in the same room together but if there is funny business, Theo will be removed. I half-wonder if Beckett will go over to his bed and go to sleep without Theo there riling him up, but he may also be so upset at being alone (his first time ever in his bedroom by himself) that he may just cry and cry. I suspect that what they want to do at that time is to read books quietly to themselves, and it's only my trying to get them to nap in ever more coercive ways that is causing them to misbehave, so I want to remove myself as a cause of their rebellion. We'll try some things out and see how it goes.

I am also hoping that giving up the fight on the naps may make our days more pleasant. The vast majority of our day is filled with laughs and running around and wrestling and cuddling and eating and playing, but this nap business has started to overshadow everything else. We have such a great time cuddling in the morning, enjoying food together, playing outside, and reading together all day that it's a shame to be so out of it that I can't really enjoy all that great time, and to be dreading the nap throughout. I hope that by removing that stress (which we hope will not create other unforeseen stresses) we will be able to have more happy times together.