Out of cribs Part II

The transition from cribs to toddler beds has been pretty darn easy when it comes to bedtime. The boys are generally tired at the end of the day and have been going to sleep on their own for so long that they stay in their beds and maybe talk or sing for a little while but then go to sleep without much trouble. There have been a few incidents of falling out of bed, but nothing major (the beds are only about 6 or 8 inches off the ground, so nothing but a little confusion has resulted from a fall).

Naps, however, have been a different story. It's not as if the boys have been climbing out of their cribs or really resisted naps before they were out of cribs. Usually they would try to crawl into their cribs after we had read stories and had milk. Monday when I put them down for "naps" they stayed in their cribs for about three minutes and then began running around like nutcases for 1.5 hours, in and out of their playroom, reading books, wrestling with their stuffed animals, and playing very quietly and peacefully by themselves. It was nice in a way to watch them playing with each other and entertaining themselves, but they need their naps. Tuesday we traveled to Ithaca to visit Sarah and Toby (and Grandpa Stu, briefly) and so they napped in the car both ways, which is better than nothing but also not better than nothing, and then when Grandma Kathy had the boys Wednesday they refused to sleep again and just played.

So Thursday I knew what I needed to do: go all Supernanny up on their butts. Jeff and I have been watching Supernanny for a long time, since before we were married, because of the sheer joy of a) voyeuristic enjoyment of watching terrible parents (usually of the overly indulgent variety) get shamed and then re-programmed, and b) learning some really great parenting strategies and theories (e.g. the naughty step). We do time outs as JoJo suggests--getting down to the child's level, explaining briefly and in child-appropriate language what the "wrong" was, and then setting the timer for one minute for every year the child is old. When the time out is over, the child says sorry (to the parent or the child who has been wronged) and the parent gives kisses and hugs and "I love you"s. The Supernanny sleep solution (usually employed for children who have been sleeping with parents for many years) is to spend lots of daytime hours talking up the big bed, maybe personalizing or otherwise making the bed special, and then putting the child to bed. Then the real challenge begins: returning the child to bed as many times as it takes to get them to fall asleep there. Upon returning to the room, there is no eye contact, no communication, nothing. It is meant not to provide attention or reinforcement.

This process took 80 minutes on Thursday afternoon, from 1pm to 2:20. I estimate I returned Theo to his bed upward of 100 times, and Beckett to his bed at least 10 times. It was physically and mentally exhausting, but I knew that we had to win, we had to make this work. Many other moms of multiples I have spoken to about the toddler bed conversion have put their kids in different rooms for naps. We don't really have that option, since our only other bedroom is a guest room and I often take a nap at the same time the boys do, or at least spend time in my bedroom putting away laundry or doing other kinds of housework while they are sleeping. When they finally went to sleep on Thursday at 2:20, I honestly felt as good as I did when I found out I passed the bar exam. It was as complete a sense of accomplishment through arduous circumstances as any I have ever experienced.

Friday I let the boys play in their room (mostly in Beckett's bed) for about 15 minutes before I went in to lay down the law, and after I told them it was time to go to sleep, I only had to go back in a few times before they stayed in their beds, playing and then going to sleep. So we're moving in the right direction. This afternoon Jeff is struggling through his own Supernanny nap routine (I suspect so that Theo can test Jeff's resolve) but it hasn't been going on nearly as long as it did with me on Thursday. Dinner the last two nights has been SO MUCH BETTER than the previous three days when they were un-napped, and the last two nights they slept so much better at night, too, so we know that they need naps. We just have to help them figure out how to do it.