Dear Beckett,
You are my sweet, sensitive, darling boy. Last week when I accidentally spoke too loudly to tell you not to eat something yucky off the ground you burst into tears, big heaving sobs, and looked terrified and startled. I felt awful. I know now not to shout, but to be kind and soft with you even when reminding you NO. You almost never do anything I have asked you not to do. You watch me tell Theo no and you have to go right over to what I said no to, call for me, and then wave your hand "NO" at it so I can see you know NO. You are the saddest to see me leave and the least excited to see me when I come home, I think to show me that you're really okay when I'm gone, even when you're not. You like to do one thing over and over again until you have mastered it, then again and again, faster and faster. You are bigger and stronger than Theo, and though sometimes you stiff-arm him when he tries to take your things or push you over, more often you give up whatever you're playing with and walk away. When Theo gets most aggressive with you you sometimes burst into tears and plead for my intervention. Sometimes, when you are feeling playful, you show how much fun it can be to gloat--when you have something Theo wants, you get close to wave it in his face, grinning, and then run away laughing, looking back all the time to make sure he's still following you. When given a chance to nurse alone, you linger, grinning big milky smiles and giggling at me. You could read books for hours,by yourself or with someone to read along with you. A favorite right now is Where the Wild Things Are. You laugh at the little dog and at my howling at the moon, and you love to wave goodbye to the wild things when Max boards his boat to go back home. You're trying so hard to tell me all that you're thinking. Wednesday when I got home you ran up to me, pointed at your ear and your cheek, and then ran over to the small table in the backyard. Mindy helped you narrate, to explain that earlier in the day you had pushed the table over and the legs had hit you in the cheek and the ear. You kept looking at me and pointing at your ear and the table, to make sure I understood. When eating, you often refuse food until you have seen your brother eat it (and not spit it out). Your favorite foods are mama's macaroni and cheese with grated carrot, eggs, Goldfish crackers, and toast. You've started a funny "scary" face, pulling the corners of your mouth back while widening your eyes, baring your teeth, and gasping. A dear friend Sophie did a similar thing at a similar age. You dislike dirty, or wet, things, but you do very much like picking up litter and putting it in the garbage while gesturing "yucky." You have a lovely habit of gently caressing my arm while I carry you,
sweeping your hand softly back and forth across my forearm. You recently
have started finishing nursing earlier than your brother, and when
you're going to bed afterward, you get up, looking back at me and
giggling, eager to be swept up and cuddled in your crib.
Love always,
Your Mama
Dear Theo,
I love when we go upstairs to read books before nap time or bed time, and after some number of books (or none at all) you toddle over to where my nursing pillow rests against the closet door, struggle to lift it, and then drag it over to me, laughing. I know exactly what you want, little man. You are my adventurous boy, in eating and exploring and testing boundaries. You will try most foods, and like the unlikeliest things (raw kale salad?). You want what your brother has, even as he relents and gives over toy after toy to you. You are the ham of the family, stopping whatever you are doing when you see a camera in the vicinity, to smile and squint and screw your face up in a funny little pout. When you are sick or feeling yucky you like to cuddle up with as much of your body touching Mama's as possible. You know just what the rules are, and so you wait until I have left the room or started making your meal, and then you get right into the mess you know I would not like you to be in. When I look back at you and say "THEO!", you dip your chin down and look up at me with those big blue eyes. I have put you in time out many times already, where you often sit quietly by yourself until I come over to get you, kiss you, and remind you why what you were doing was a no-no. After letting Beck do most of the talking for a while you're getting into your animal sounds too, and I love hearing all your roars, quacks, and ruff-ruffs. You find the bananas in every book. You wake up first every morning and after every nap. You have an amazing variety of coy, shy, flirty, and grandstanding faces. You are theatrical and dramatic in your reactions when you have an audience. Some of your faces, especially when you try to contain your smiles, remind me so much of your daddy I can hardly believe it. I love when you throw your head back in laughter when you have discovered something fun.You love getting dirty. In fact, on several occasions I have watched you sneak to the side of the house where there is no vegetation, just so you can run your fingers through the soft wet soil. And usually eat it. So many times I have found you with dirt all over your face and hands and in your mouth. You also love finding dirty things and putting your hands in it, or dumping it all over your head or body. Your most favorite food in the whole world is blueberries. Fresh are good, but frozen thawed blueberries are THE BEST. You eat them with both hands; as soon as one blueberry is mostly chewed and almost swallowed, the one from the other hand gets popped right in. You were the first to give kisses. You love my rubbing your back after I put you to bed, and you will often moan and smile while I do it.
Love always,
Your Mama
